Many many people (none) often (never) ask me about my Tinder habits.
They want to know what would make me choose one man over a million others.
I tell them I’m probably not the best person to ask: a) because I’m not on Tinder, and b) because, on another dating site, I once wrote I was ‘anal’ in my profile bio. That level of undeserved popularity was worrying.
Anyway, I know people still like to get dating advice from me – so let me be some help.
I’ve asked some lullie women what would make them swipe right (ignoring fancying the fudge out of someone) – to give you lullie men more of a chance of capturing them. Ready?
Learn to spell – good spelling turns women on.
Jasmine, 32, from Bradford:
Sally, 29, from Lewes:
A man who can spell.
Chris, 43, from north London:
I didn’t lie, did I?
But it can’t all be shout-outs to Dick Tionary and Theo Saurus, can it? (I am so very, very sorry.)
What else makes women swipe right?
Carla, 33, from Aldershot:
Good spelling, and someone who actually writes a (hopefully funny) bio.
Off the top of my head, one that made me swipe right was a man who said his hobbies were volcano bungee jumping and extreme ironing. I like a man who can iron.
And Kirsty, 35, from Aberdeen, what about you? What gives you the Tinder tingle?
Humour spilling from the intro words is a big turn-on. Same for intelligence. Cooking and wine references. Liking Scrabble. (I have it in my own bio, LOL)
Someone who likes kids and animals. Cute pets.
Someone who appears open and friendly (prescriptive lists of what a woman should be for him is a major red flag).
And a decent amount of blurb. That means they won’t open with ‘Hi x’.
Debbie, 36, from Malvern agrees that bio is all-important.
A short, witty, honest description.
They’re usually profiles with photos of their children or them with their ex-partners.
And then it’s crude messages. After saying ‘Hello’ [it’s] ‘I would bend you over and f*** you’.
Please note: Debbie does not do gymnasts.
Marie, 38, from Tring, would swipe right for a great bio, too.
It doesn’t have to be an award-winning bit of writing: just honest and original. No cliche crap, please.
I don’t care if you’re equally happy lying on the sofa or going for long walks. Good. Walk. Don’t stop walking.
I swiped right on a man once who really made me laugh about being a bit podgy.
He said he couldn’t lie about having the perfect body and that he ‘missed his feet’. Haha. Instantly made me warm to him. Instantly knew he’d be a laugh.
Nina, 28, from Luton:
Don’t take this the wrong way but I’ve swiped right because the man looked like my dad.
I don’t want to date my dad – but he reminded me of my dad and that made me feel I could instinctively trust him over all the other men on Tinder. And we dated for a year so I was sort of right.
It’s gut feeling, I suppose.
Terri, 49, from Bishop’s Stortford:
I think a lot of my right swipes are down to a gut feeling about the man, which I know isn’t very helpful for men reading this. But I do think you get a feeling about them from their bio – sweet boys put the effort in; players just trot out bulls*** lines – or write very little.
If they don’t invest in their bio, why would they invest in you? Just a numbers game to them.
And their photos give loads away about them too.
Kirsty from Aberdeen again:
You need to see good photos. And not all selfies.
A good collection, too: with family, with friends, in nice places. Not four different selfies of you sitting on your sofa – and one of you with a caged tiger on holiday.
Would you swipe right if you didn’t find the profile photo hot?
Jenny, 48, from London:
Definitely. Photos can be too hot. If the man is too cute, is the photo really him? And if it is, I’d prefer my body not to be seen by this Adonis.
Natural, honest photos, please. Lots so I can see what you look like.
But I do know photos can’t capture everything. Tone of voice… Way they carry themselves… Sexiness… Photos don’t show you that.
Swipe right, meet, and then decide.
Are we back to gut feeling, then?
Debbie from Malvern again:
Yes. Wasn’t sure about a man’s profile. But went for it.
We exchanged two messages, my gut really said no, and I rejected him gently.
And then he sent these…
‘You’re a bit defensive and, let’s face it, scared. It’s scary to take risks – but no risks; no reward. Also, it’s important to follow your gut – no need to be definitive.’
‘You and your gut can change their mind tomorrow.
‘From where I am, I’m the one who should think about self-preservation.’
‘I feel that if we do more, I will be more attached than you will be. It’s a dangerous situation.’
Wow. But when love’s right, it’s right. And, also, ‘Police!’.