Modern dating is an absolute nightmare at the best of times, and it's even worse when you're in a new city.
I moved to Cambridge not knowing a single other person, so I decided to flick through dating apps when I first arrived.
My first Tinder date was decidedly mediocre but as one of my friends later told me "everyone comes into your life for a reason".
I had no idea that thanks to being clueless about Cambridge buses I would find myself deposited at a bus stop on the side of the A14, in the dark, with about 4 per cent phone battery left.
My date's reason for entering my life was about to become painfully clear.
The actual date
Lets start with the actual date.
We started talking on a dating app and decided to meet on a Friday night.
Family pubs attached to budget hotels aren't known to be the height of romance, but for some reason that's what we went for.
The actual date was fine.
I've definitely had worse dates but equally, wedding bells were not ringing.
But about halfway through, his phone started ringing non-stop, which was not ideal.
His friends were out and decided to ring him continuously for about half an hour.
Suddenly there was banging on the window and it was his drunk friends crashing our date.
One decided to come into the pub and sit with us, turning the situation into a classic example of what not to do to get the girl.
Although the date wasnt horrendous, I was fairly sure we wouldnt be seeing each other again.
Little did I know I would call upon him in my hour of need.
A few days later
The Monday after, I went for a few drinks with a friend.
I had a weekday off, which seemed like reason enough for some day drinking. It's the little things in life guys.
We met at the pub after lunch and drank beer for about five hours.
At about 8pm I decided it was time to head home.
At this point Id lived in Cambridge for only about three weeks.
The bus back to my home is notoriously unpredictable.
Not only do you not know when (or even if) it will turn up, but I also never knew what direction it would go in.
After driving for about 15 minutes, sometimes it would turn right and into my road, and sometimes it would continue onto the A14.
Im sure there is some way to distinguish between the two routes and work out which bus youre getting on, but to this day, I have still not worked that out.
Anyway, I was on the bus a bit merry at about 8.30pm.
My date from a few nights before texted as I was on my way home.
I responded, not realising how lucky I was he had texted at that moment.
So Im on this bus and I think its about to turn right, towards my street. It doesnt.
The bus continues onto the A14.
I think to myself: “Its fine, Ill just press the button and get off at the next stop and I can just walk home from there, it wont be far”.
The bus continues driving on the A14 for 10 minutes and my phone battery is getting low.
The bus stops. Literally in the middle of the dual carriageway.
It stopped by the Cambridge City Crematorium.
Stuck on the side of the A14 alone on a Monday night
By this point its pitch black, freezing and my phone battery is on 4 per cent.
Lorries and cars are rushing past me, and Im standing right next to an empty roadworks site.
Aside from the pavement Im standing on by the bus stop, there are no other footpaths for me to walk down.
I question how I've found myself on my own, a bit tipsy and very cold at a bus stop on the side of the A14 on a Monday night.
Its late and Im panicking about how soon the next bus will come. (I predict not very).
I try to call an Uber.
This may surprise you but Uber doesnt really work on the middle of the A14.