Tech

These are the best, most objectively powerful Pokémon fusions

In case you missed it, Pokémon fusions are back in the news, thanks in part to a recent Tumblr meme and helped along by a small but growing community of talented fan artists dedicated to bringing these sometimes adorable but often horrific hybrids to life.

But between admiring the cute, shellfish-meets-baby dragon qualities of “Shellmander” and just combining literally every other pokémon with Mr. Mime, nobody is doing the truly important work of telling you which ones are the most powerful. At the end of the day, in the rough-and-tumble world of Pokémon, what matters most is knowing which of these algorithmically combined animals can best the other in vicious, supernatural elemental battle.

So weve done the work to narrow down the tens of thousands of possible fusion combinations from the original 151 pokémon roster to find the top 10 best, most powerful creatures this charmingly rudimentary web software can conjure.

10. Charder

Charder makes up for being a limb-less reptilian clam face by employing its ultimate defense: a coral-encrusted skin hardened over eons of floating in the darkest depths of the sea. It cannot fight, but it also cannot be defeated, a state of supreme equilibrium known colloquially as “charding.”

Type: Tough

Signature Move: Chards harder

9. Slowmar

It may not be the fastest pokémon, but Slowmar does have a tail of burning fire and an unfaltering desire to show off its flowing red sleeves. And when it does happen to catch you, when you least suspect it and are likely under a tree taking a peaceful nap on a Sunday afternoon, it will light you on fire with its outfit.

Type: Candle

Signature Move: Slow-cook in an Instant Pot

8. Math

As famed Nintendo game designer Shigeru Miyamoto once said, “math is power,” and nowhere is that more apparent than in this combination of a talking cat and a four-armed fitness instructor who refuses to stop texting you about coming to the gym.

Type: Trigonometry

Signature move: Law of quadratic reciprocity

7. Pikawak

Pikawack is known to hide in the shadows, seeing by the light of its own generated electricity and waiting to strike unsuspecting victims by rubbing its tiny feet on the carpet and tapping them on the forearm.

Type: Hair static

Signature Move: Thunder boop

6. Clefdrill

The only sight more haunting than the worlds most unchill insect is one with the face of an alien toddler that cannot stop smiling, even as it spins up its drill arm and prepares to tear through your epidermis. Clefdrill apparently lives on the moon, but for some reason follows only you around and thoroughly embarrasses you in public by making you freak out while youre eating lunch by yourself.

Type: Cherub moon baby

Signature Move: Spin me right round

5. Fearmime

The stuff nightmares are made of, Fearmime is like if Alfred Hitchcock wrote a psychological horror film about over-eager street performers. Will mime your greatest fears and encase you in a glass prison until you verbalize them for onlooking strangers and leave a generous tip in its enormous beak mouth.

Type: Somehow scarier than a clown

Signature move: Busk attack

4. Maqueen

Maqueen has a co